Are You Playing to Win or Playing to NOT Lose?

If you’re committed to playing a bigger game in your life and your business, this question offers a perfect opportunity to get clear about how you’re really playing your bigger game.

This week I had a great coaching session with Mattie who is part of my High Level Empowerment Program. I asked, “Mattie, are you playing to win or playing not to lose? She instantly replied, “Karen, I don’t understand the difference.”

I clarified that Playing to Win is about playing full on out, bringing all of you to the spotlight and showing up with your imperfect best, seeking opportunity and deciding which steps to take — big or small. When you are Playing to Win you take bold action, make bold decisions and fearless choices. You are in a place of trust, knowing and attracting.

People who play to win know they could maybe fall on their face; but 100% of them believe in their core that taking a risk will set them up for greater success.

Playing Not Lose is holding back, hiding, withholding, withdrawing. Staying in the perpetual motion of “trying to try.” It’s thinking about making a decision rather than making it. Or making decisions based on where you currently are rather than from where you want to be. When you Play Not to Lose, you’re in a place of lack and doubt. You are so careful about risk taking that you ultimately take no risk at all.

Here is a chart with examples of Playing to Win mind-set versus Playing Not to Lose thoughts:

PLAYING TO WIN	PLAYING NOT TO LOSE
I‘ve decided to succeed and I will find the resources I need.	I don’t know how to do this so I’m not going to try.
I have something very unique to offer the world.	Everything I want to do has been done before. No one will be interested, so why should I even try?
If I make a mistake I will learn and improve.	If I make a mistake people will think I’m not so good and think less of me.
I see the value in investing in coaching or hiring a team.	I really don’t have the money to hire a coach, VA or invest in my future.
I see all the upsides of owning a business in a “down economy”.	It’s really bad out there; I should hold off on launching my book or product.
I know that there are always options and I seek them out.	If the first thing I try doesn’t work, I just quit.
When I hear feedback, I take it for what it is and know that I have the power to embrace it or let it go.	If I receive less than glowing feedback, I obsess over it and let it debilitate me.
I start each day being intentional, deliberate and focused on my bigger game.	I tend to focus on the envy and jealously of others instead of focusing on myself, and my work.
I enjoy sharing my opinions with others.	I prefer to sit back quietly rather than speaking up.
I own my truth.	I hide from my truth.
I clearly see that “shiny objects” are distractions.	I chase shining objects like there is no tomorrow.
I take rejection as a blessing, understanding that it means that I have a different purpose.	When I am rejected, I take it to mean that I’m a failure for life.
I trust in my purpose and I’m building the plane as I fly.	I have a goal in mind but I doubt the plan will ever get off the ground.
I respond creatively to the unexpected.	I get so overwhelmed by all there is to do.
I embrace my imperfections.	I’m my own harshest critic; I’m quick to judge myself for my flaws.
I strive to BE more of who I am every day.	I prefer to go with the flow and try to blend in with everyone else.

Deciding how you are truly playing is not about competition. Rather it’s about stepping into the bigger part of yourself, creating from this place and taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life.

My client Mattie had been living with one foot in and one foot out of everything she did. Once we began strategizing, she quickly realized that she had the option to put both feet into her bigger life vision and bring it! Mattie knew at a very core level that playing to lose was keeping her focused on everyone else. She realized that this was a restrictive way of thinking that kept her from making any meaningful movement forward. By committing to “two feet in” and bringing her best to the table, Mattie felt much more confident. She developed a great trust in herself to make decisions, and allowed herself to take action towards achieving her goals rather than to choosing to stay stagnant.

Learn from Mattie’s success. Be conscious of self-defeating actions; when you find yourself “Playing Not to Lose” take a moment and re-arrange your thoughts so that you are “Playing to Win”! Take bold action. Make powerful decisions and fearless choices. Show up at your imperfect best 100% of the time. I promise, you’ll be so glad you did!