4 Ways to FEEL AMAZING!
January 23, 2012 by Karen Fagen · Leave A Comment
I will start this week out by saying you are so WORTHY of the effort it takes to feeling amazing so you can achieve your ULTIMATE DESIRES!
1. Get Your Sweet Self Up & Out of Bed:
Enough Already with the Snooze Button: The best thing about your life is that it is happening NOW! I often speak with women who are continuously hitting the snooze button. They lay in bed in dread, or just stay in bed – not wanting to get up. If this is you, please take my advice…it’s time to break up with your snooze button! Why? Nothing good comes from this habit. (A great thing about habits is that they can be broken with the right support!)
Yes, of course, sometimes we do need more rest, but that is not what I am talking about here, today. As women, we crave more time – more time in calm and peace. We desire more time to fall in love with ourselves, more time to nurture our souls and precious desires, and more time to make a plan toward our goals.
You see, one of my best secrets – ever – to living a vibrant, radiant, sexy, and happy life – is to wake up a little bit earlier and claim time for ME in the morning. While your family and loved ones are still sleeping, and the world is still quiet, can be the most beneficial time for your own well-being. There is an absolute sweetness that comes from creating a morning ritual – it is so powerful and soul transforming. This one step changes my private client’s lives in a really big way – words truly cannot express it. When we get clear about their morning and ditching the snooze button – magic happens for them! Magic, such as crystal clarity about your life, defining exciting personal and professional goals, and what’s next for you…These are all ways in which we connect to a higher level of focus that is absolutely necessary in the pursuit of your life’s new meaning and goals.
2. Express Your Truest Self:
Please make a new contract with yourself to fully express yourself. No more holding back, being submissive, and staying in hiding. The world needs your brilliance! It’s truly time to do away with the out-dated self-image of what you should and should not do. Instead, fully let go of the worry that you may hurt or upset others if you truly express yourself. Let’s face the real truth – the only one you upset and hurt is you, when you hold back on the self-expression. You have such brilliance inside of you – a true gift. When we liberate ourselves through self-expression, we liberate others to do the same.
True freedom comes in the form of self-expression, or the ways in which you can express yourself.
Here are some of my most favorite forms of self-expression:
- Through finding and using your voice more often.
- Writing and Journaling.
- Singing, Dancing, and Painting.
- Cooking and Gardening.
- Dressing yourself in a way that feels most authentic.
- Deepening intimacy with yourself and others
- Allowing yourself to receive love.
- Being vulnerable in a health way.
- Coming out of hiding.
- Connecting with more like-minded people.
- Expressing gratitude.
Add yours here______________________________________________________________
3. Claim What You Need and Want and Get the BEST Support
Women are often keeping up with the demands of life – instead of really claiming what it is we need and want, and getting the best support to help us fulfill wants and needs. If you are feeling frustrated, angry (or any other negative emotion) about someone, or something, chances are you have a need that is going unmet…so, it probably makes sense.
However, the truth is that knowing this, makes it your responsibility to take whatever action is necessary to get clear about your needs. It is up to you to determine what you need and to take action to get your needs met. I know at first it can be really uncomfortable to ask for what you need. But once you do it – and experience the freedom that comes from it – it will become easier to do. Someday, it just will be “how you roll”!
Remember, no one can take your personal power or happiness – unless you allow it. Take time today to get clear about what needs are going unmet in your life – and do not hesitate to invest in the best support to help with this, like hiring a coach. You deserve to have all your needs and goals met.
4. Eliminate Low Energy Foods:
If you want to feel amazing, you must eliminate low energy foods! When I coach private clients who have low energy foods in their daily food plan, they all have something in common – they have completely disconnected from their bodies and have forgotten how it feels to feel amazing in their own skin. You really deserve this in your life – to fuel your body with clean high-energy foods, to feel your absolute BEST, and be so incredibly comfortable in your own skin! Not only will you feel amazing, you will feel connected to your passion again, GSSD (get serious stuff done), feel sexy and vibrant, and you will be surprised how many opportunities come your way – effortlessly.
Do this today! Get clear about what you are eating and why you’re eating it. Then – answer this question: Is it helping you, or hurting you?
Free Yourself from Self-Imposed Limits
October 18, 2011 by Karen Fagan · Leave A Comment
Self-imposed limits are a result of our own thinking based on past conditioning. They are boundaries we’ve set in our minds about what we can’t be, do, have or achieve. These limits are not real; they only exist in our minds.
If you’re frustrated with boundaries and feel ready to expand your life, I encourage you to identify your self-imposed limits. Once you know what they are, you can free yourself from restrictions.
Self-imposed limits feel constricting and depressing. They often sound like the following
- I should stay in this career since this is what I earned my degree for.
- I am too old to even try now.
- I shouldn’t risk it; it could take too long and be too much work.
- I’ll never earn much money. No one in my family has ever made over $75,000 per year.
- I don’t have the time to “just do it.” I am too busy.
- I can’t publish a book; I am not a professional writer.
Self-imposed limits are false restrictions we place upon ourselves that stop us from taking further action and turning our dreams into reality. Imagine fully believing in your true potential rather than holding back because of self-imposed limitations.
This week, prepare yourself to jump out of the box and start creating your life from a much bigger space.
1. Make a List of the Limits You Place on Yourself.
Once you bring your awareness to the boundaries you’ve built, you can decide to make different decisions that align with what you really want. You no longer need to tell yourself “I can’t.”
Become inspired and open to all possibilities for recreating your life.
2. Change Your Beliefs.
Ask yourself whether you are truly limited in the way you previously thought. Why would you believe you are limited? What could you do without these limits?
Replace your negative, false beliefs with true and empowering ones.
3. Improve Your Self-Image.
Start seeing yourself as the highest and best version of you. Ask your highest self for daily guidance and listen to your intuition. By listening to your highest self, you start to develop a higher level of confidence.
What would your best and most confident self say to those limitations?
4. Have a Positive Expectation.
Expect the best with complete certainty. When you free yourself of limitations, you create space to fully see and believe in all that you’re capable of. Positively expect amazing outcomes. When you let go of self-imposed limits, you naturally release worry and need for perfection. You become present in the moment.
You were born to succeed and that is the beautiful truth. Now, fully expect it with certainty.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?
Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:
Empowerment Expert , and Master Certified Coach Karen Fagan publishes her “Live in Your Brilliance” weekly ezine. If you want special tips to live bold, brilliant and rich in your life and business, you can sign up for a FREE subscription to Live in Your Brilliance at www.karenfagan.com. Want to see more secret tips? see Karen’s blog at Karen http://www.karenfagan.com/blog/
How to Rock Your Life Out Authentically
September 6, 2011 by Karen Fagen · 3 Comments
Taking the time to get to know your wants and desires can take many women years and years. Do you have difficulty allowing yourself to become your true self? Programs like my Rock Your Body, Soul and Finances Program really allow you to stretch yourself to your limits, find your dreams and desires to become a strong and beautiful woman. By becoming this woman that is hiding inside of you, you can free your body, mind and spirit and get the control back into your life that has been hidden or is missing. By simply opening yourself up to the process you are allowing yourself to be free of the ties that bind and hold you back. Let’s get out from behind the rock, open up and be who you are meant to be!
There was a time in my life I was really disconnected to my own self. I didn’t even know what I liked, what pleased me, not to mention, what I wanted to do with my precious life. But the one thing I did know, I was not living the life I desired. I felt this in my soul. It’s not something I had to know – it was a feeling deep down inside me.
Once I figured out who I was as a woman, I was so afraid to reveal this to the world. I was afraid to dress the way I truly wanted, even as far as being afraid to wear too big of earrings in case people talked about me. I was afraid to tell people that, once, I really wanted to take my own life. I was afraid to eat super healthy food in front of people who weren’t eating the same way or who were unhealthy themselves. I thought people will think I am crazy; too much – too demanding – too into living a higher quality life.
So, I just kept myself a very small version of me in hopes I wouldn’t rock the boat. In order to not get people mad, I kept myself safe and small so others would like me and wouldn’t judge me for living a happy and healthy life.
Has something like this ever happened to you?
Many of my private clients used to be scared silly to express who they are as a woman and what their place is in this world. They stay quiet; stay in the wrong place in their lives or careers; carry extra weight and have depleted energy and bank accounts. Sound familiar?
Take an honest look at what your life is right now. When it comes to your body, your relationships, your personal life, your career – Are you a woman who is rocking it authentically, or are you hiding behind the rock? Playing small, playing safe and hiding behind a rock – doesn’t work EVER! I know!!
I lived behind the rock for a long time. Why? Because nothing was ever allowed to feel good … I never allowed myself the pleasure of a job well done; the pleasure of living a good and healthy life; of having quality relationships. Living behind the rock keeps you completely out of alignment with who you really are; who you are meant to be and it will never bring you any closer to your heart desires.
How do you step into who you really are as a women and be who you are meant to be?
Take a look at this list and see what you can change and start working on today.
Women Who Rock Out Life Authentically …
1. Never apologizes for who she is, what she wears, what she desires and for what she does or what she doesn’t like.
2. Says what she means even if it pisses people off.
3. Lives her life with compassion but doesn’t sacrifice her happiness for others.
4. Has very clear boundaries
5. Is very clear with when she says YES and when she says NO
6. Lives free from guilt, self-criticism, and gossip
7. Asks for what she needs – without hesitation.
8. Brings her best self forward even when she doesn’t feel like it.
9. Knows that if she is at a restaurant and her meal comes not to her standard, she can graciously ask for it to be returned, corrected or ask for something else – without feeling like she’s been needy or a b%$#@.
10. Knows how to please herself and knows how to ask others to please her.
11. Is surrounded by friends that support and challenge her to be her best.
12. Wears larger than life earrings when she feels like (My private clients did this – it felt so good to her to wear what she truly desired)
13. Rests and replenishes because she craves it.
14. Makes decisions without the need to justify them.
15. Knows when she indulges in spa treatments or shopping, she doesn’t have to hide it from her loved ones.
16. Spends quality time with her children and loved ones, free from distraction.
17. Thrives on contribution.
18. Knows exactly when she needs rest.
19. Flosses her teeth, feeds her body with high quality food.
20. Seeks all things wonderful.
21. Doesn’t waste time in drama and chaos
22. Has decided to no longer waste time with body image issue; rather set her life up to love her body and support it.
23. Invests in herself and life without hesitation or guilt.
24. Continuously adds more color in to her life.
25. Allows herself to connect to her sensual energy as women.
26. Lives in love not in fear.
27. No longer pretends everything is o.k. when it’s not. She stopped pretending and telling herself it will get better. She finally gives herself the gift of a powerful coach.
28. Allows dreams; she is curious; she desires the best for herself, family, animals and community
So tell me… how will you authentically start Rocking Your Life Out? Start today by posting your comments on how you will start. I would love to hear them!! Together we can do this!
Top 7 Things That Hold Women Back From Taking The Big Leap
August 16, 2011 by Karen Fagan · 1 Comment
Do you have a big vision for your life and lots of ideas that you would like act upon, but your stuck in rut wondering when life will shift for once and for all?
I have the honor of coaching some of the most amazing women on this planet. What I have realized is that most women have a few things in common: They are brilliant, desire a really succulent life, have a really big vision (that often scares them right out of their panties), and have AMAZING ideas. However, these same women are almost always fearful, unsure and full of self-doubt. Their ideas never really get implemented because they are stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated and unclear. I really relate to this because I used to be the same exact way!
All of these brilliant women have a strong desire to make a difference in this lifetime. They want to leave a legacy behind and help others by doing what they love. What is really interesting is when one of my clients gets really clear and connects to her heart’s desire, she becomes aware that if she were living her desire FULLY, she would be so happy, unstoppable, fearless and feel a complete sense of freedom. Can you resonate with this?
If we have brilliant ideas and heart-felt desires, why do we struggle with creating a life on purpose? Where’s the disconnect? I am giving you the Top 7 things that Hold Women Back from Taking the Big Leap: Indecision, Procrastination, Self Doubt, Worry, Fear, Waiting and Negative Body Image.
Here’s the deal: These 7 things are very easy to overcome with the right mindset and support. This is easier than you think, though it may not presently feel this way.
Below are the top 7 Things that Hold Women Back from Taking the Big Leap. Read through them to see where you may stopping yourself then commit to live your purpose FULL OUT NOW. If you need support, for heaven’s sake, just allow yourself to have it! The only person holding you back is you. What’s perfect about this is you can change it by doing the exact thing your soul keeps telling you to do. It’s the very thing you keep ignoring.
1. Indecision:
Indecision means putting off making decisions or not making a decision at all. Successful women reach decisions promptly and hardly change them, if at all, slowly. They have deep trust and feel confident they change course at any given time.
Making quick decisions will liberate you.
People who are stuck and aren’t living the life they truly want are wishy-washy and change their mind frequently. They say yes/no/maybe over and over again. Ultimately they never come to any decision, so their life does not change – which leads to number two (see below).
2. Procrastination:
Which we all know procrastination is putting off what needed to be done yesterday until tomorrow. Your life is now and is waiting for you to fully show up in the present moment.
Get to understand and become aware of why you are procrastinating, instead of being unconscious to this behavior.
If you have a big dream, but you procrastinate, there is huge incongruency. It is worth your time to invest and understand why you are putting off the exact things you say you desire. Please stop fooling yourself that you will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow never happens. You have today to LIVE FULLY. Make it count!
3. Self Doubt:
Self doubt is a big cover up! It shows up in the form of feeling blah, making excuses or justifications for the reason why it won’t work out right now. It is disguised as envy, jealously, and criticizing yourself or others.
Waiting for the perfect time or perfect whatever (body size or right amount of money) to commit to something is really just you doubting your abilities.
If you are filled with self doubt, you need more clarity. You will also benefit with the support of another to champion you and help you develop the self confidence you need. When you end self doubt, you can move forward and take action on your dreams.
There is no need to doubt yourself. If your mind can conceive it, then you absolutely can achieve it!
4. Worry;
Worry is one the biggest forms of distraction I know. It takes you out of the present moment and takes you into the future – the unknown – which is scary for most. However, in my experience the future is filled with wonder and delight. This is achieved by letting go of worry and getting present with your self, your life and dreams.
Worry is a form of fear and is just an illusion about something that may happen in the future. It a form of “trying” to control an outcome.
What if you let go of worry and allowed something amazing to happen?
5. Fear:
Fear is not real (period). It is an illusion created in the mind by the ego. The ego’s primary role is keeping you from growing and expanding. It wants to keep you small, but you were born to big.
6. Waiting – What the heck are you waiting for?
You want it now – right? So why are you waiting to go for it? Get clear about this.
Most often – women wait for the right time, the right amount of money, etc. I learned how to completely love myself through choosing not to wait – to go after what I want – especially when things aren’t perfect. Waiting is stagnant energy that only creates more stagnant energy – it shows up in painful thoughts, self-sabotage, emotional eating, etc. – fueling more fire to any belief that you can’t do it. And honestly, waiting does not feel good. When you decide and take action NOW it fuels fire to the belief that you have everything you need to rock your life and body!
7. Negative Body Image:
Last week I spoke with a woman who shared her struggle of her own body image. She told me she often isolates in her house. When it comes to going out to events, she gets nervous about who will be there and how they will judge her, and this often stops her from going – or if she does go she immediately starts comparing herself to other women.
Body image and self-perception matter deeply when we give them the power to alter our behavior in a way that does not feel good. In our personal and professional lives, a negative body image blocks us from having more deeper intimacy, wonderful experiences, making more money – it just plain stops us from creating the ultimate life, health, body, and even financial status, we deeply desire.
Love and fear can’t exist at the same time.
Successful women have big fears but they understand what fear is and what it is not. They face their fear and do it anyway. They connect to self -love and value, belief, trust, and faith. Developing self confidence diminishes fear so you can move forward and create your life on your terms.
Please do yourself a big, big favor and commit to move beyond these 7 things that keep you stuck. Stop waiting for the perfect time, let go of the need for complete certainty, the fear of scarcity, the struggle with your body weight and waiting for the right amount of money. If you don’t, you will be waiting a long, long time. Your time to shine is NOW!
Please share with me how you will allow yourself to shine by posting your comments here on my blog!
16 Powerful Ways to Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin
August 9, 2011 by Karen Fagen · 2 Comments
I have coached hundreds of women over the years that have struggled – or are currently struggling and in pain with body image issues – feeling uncomfortable in their body. The truth is, they are not living the life they really want to live. It’s really holding them back from living a life with passion blocking them from going after what they want and keeping it!
I completely feel their pain. I really understand it, as I hid for many years behind my body image issues that left me feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin.
It took me a long, long time to fully understand that the struggle with my body image was keeping me from growing and expanding my entire life. I realized, in the process of struggling with my body image issues, I was just distracted in the un-truth and disconnected from my personal power.
If I had been connected to my truth and personal power, I would not have been critical of myself and my body at all. I would have honored myself and only noticed my beauty and wonder. I would have taken action like nobodys business to create my most yummy life.
Instead, I stayed in pain and missed opportunities for fun, love, and adventure.
My BIG turning point was when I realized my body images issues were nothing but a BIG DISTRACTION keeping me in hiding, preventing me from taking risk and living the life I really wanted to live. My body image issues thoughts, feelings, and actions –were creating the exact things I didn’t want in my life.
I deeply began to understand that obsessing about my body was a big decoy, because what I was really afraid of were the following:
- Not being enough
- Failing
- Not measuring up
- My ability to receive love
- My life change… and so on, and so on.
I NOW know how to live a life Free from struggling with body image issues, and I want to help you find this Freedom, too. Its very empowering and life changing to feel vibrant and amazing in your skin.
I learned a huge reason why we struggle. Struggling only keeps us in the same place. Struggling keeps us from expanding our life, health and business. Body image issues constrict us (at every level) and deplete and drain us, and keep us imprisoned. It blocks true intimacy with life, keeping us from savoring or experiencing it fully.
When we obsess about our body, it is a huge indication that something is out of alignment within our heart, mind and life. It shows us we are disconnected from our truth and personal power and are hiding from what we are really afraid of.
Many women I have worked with have struggled with their body image. It breaks my heart, because I know these women really desire a full and bodacious life with complete emotional and financial Fr*eedom.
Body image issues are a big distraction, keeping you confined from taking action and fully creating the life you want. Think about this for a moment – Who would you be and what would do if you werent struggling with body image issues? Would you be confident, happy, blissful, and really successful?
Here are ways to Free yourself and move away from body image issues and into full Fr*eedom. Where you love your body, have sweet love for you and allow much bigger success to come to you:
1. Your body is completely beautiful allow yourself to own this and stop denying it. It may not be where you want it to be, but you have the power to change this. For now, see your beauty.
2. Your body is brilliant and takes care of all things for you. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it and listen to it.
3. Create a list of all the wonderful things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often. Example: I love my legs because they take me great places and I get to see so many wonderful places with them.
4. Make peace and be Free. Your body is a beautiful vessel that carries your soul.
5. When you obsess about your body image, ask yourself this question: “What is it that I really want in my life that I do not yet have and why am I holding myself back?”
6. Visualize feeling amazing in your body and skin. Fully connect to it. This will instantly empower you to make better choices for you.
7. Re-focus on something that you really love about your body (you will find it if you are willing to look with love). If love seems too much – then start with what you like.
8. Reflect on all the things you really want to accomplish in your life and business. Realize that if you shift your focus away from negative thoughts about your body, you’ll move into beautiful thoughts of achieving your true dreams and desires. This shift will instantly make you feel better and motivate you to take action to go after what you want.
9. Make a list of the things you have put off due to body image issues, then go and take action on one item. Notice how fantastic this feels.
10. Write a Sacred Contract letter to your body with your commitment for honoring it starting today and include a thank you for all its wonder and beauty.
11. Rest and nourish your body like royalty. Rest, replenish, stretch, massage, hydrate, and moisturize it. Stop pushing so hard rest.
12. Exercise because it makes you feel better, connects you with your personal power, and makes your body healthy, strong, and shapely.
13. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body and connect to this feeling again. You will take inspired action from this feeling state.
14. Write a list of at least 10 positive things about yourself and add to this list daily.
15. When you find yourself being harsh on your body, get curious and find out what you’re really afraid of.
16. Please, release attachment to the way your body used to be. Meet yourself where you are today – so you can be Free of struggle and this will empower you to take the action you need for the changes you desire.
Doing even one of these action items will shift your energy, have you feeling much better in your own skin, connect you with your beautiful body, and move you into a place that allows more abundance in your life.
April 19, 2011 by Karen Fagen · Leave A Comment
This Week’s Question:
Karen,
I can’t seem to do anything right! I made a New Year’s resolution that this would be the year that I would lose the 30 lbs. I gained during my pregnancy two years ago and do whatever necessary to build my online business to new heights. Here it is, the middle of April, and nothing has changed.
I feel like I will always be the one who just hopes and dreams to no avail. My girlfriends have tried to help, but I don’t think they can understand. They all work for someone else and don’t have all of the pressure and responsibility of owning a business. None of them has the weight problem I do. Whenever I tell them how I’m feeling, they just tell me it will all work out and that I worry too much.
I go to bed every night promising myself that tomorrow will be different – that I’ll quit spinning my wheels and accomplish more. But, for whatever reason, I keep failing to live up to my promises to myself, and I feel like I’m disappointing my husband and possibly even my friends.
What’s wrong with me – and how do I make it right?
Kelly -Frustrated in Florida
Karen’s Answer:
I am so glad you wrote in, Kelly! I reallywant you to hear me say this – “There is nothing wrong with you”!
The real truth is that you can be or do anything you desire. It’s not too late for you to meet your goals; in fact, you can turn things around starting today! So, let’s cut to the chase and ditch that entire BS that there is something wrong with you, and get you in a much better place, instead. Continuing to think you are flawed and unable to move forward is just holding you back and blocking you.
My Five Steps To A Better Place
Here are 5 steps that will shift your energy, motivation, and mindset. Decide to apply them today and watch your life and business begin to transform – instantly!
- Practice Motivation & Clarity. Let’s break this way down. My sense is that the combined thoughts of losing 30 pounds AND moving your online to new heights is depleting you – rather than motivating you. You see, you CAN accomplish it all and have it all – but first – let’s re-focus and break it all down into doable steps.Would you feel better thinking about losing 5 pounds instead of thirty? I bet you said yes! You see, you’re not giving up on losing thirty; you are simply shifting your focus for the next month to that of losing 5 pounds. It is what we do with consistency and momentum that allows us to achieve our goals.Breaking your goals way down into doable steps is key to unlocking your success. Instead of the much broader concept of taking your business to new heights – let’s get clear – what specific area of your business would you like to bring to a new level? Pick just one area of your business, and once you accomplish your goals in that area, then move on to the next area in which you would like to improve. Once you get clear, break it down into do-able steps and your motivation will sky rocket! Without motivation, we fail to take new action – and new action is always needed to create different results in our life.
- Ditch the “I promise and I’m hoping to.” Begin, immediately, to take ACTION. Take action like you mean it! The truth is – promises mean nothing. That is why, as you said, you keep failing to live up to your promises. You need new action! I cannot stress this enough – it’s all in the action.Once you gain more clarity about your goals and break them down into doable steps, then just look at them month-by-month. For example, by the end April define what you want to accomplish and then define the new action you will need to take to achieve this goal. If losing 1 ½ pounds by the end April is the goal – define the action(s) necessary to achieve this goal – such as: “Get rid of all junk food in the house and shop for nutritious foods that will support my goal to lose 1 ½ pounds by April 30th, and set my alarm 30 minutes earlier every morning to ensure enough time for a walk.”
- Stop worrying about what others think. The only person you are disappointing is you. No one else cares more about your life than you do, so take back your power NOW, by focusing on you! When you focus on what others think, you instantly disempower yourself, which is a complete distraction. It keeps you focused on what is not working and no new action will ever transpire in this place. You have no time for that. Your current level of happiness is less than what you deserve right now. You can’t disappoint others – they choose to be disappointed – remember this, o.k?You desire to live fully, intently, and with massive passion.
- Mindset – shift it now. I want your thinking to shift into that of being a winner! From this point forward no more thinking about what you haven’t done – once again, this does nothing but disempower you and keep you in the position of victim. Instead, imagine and fully see yourself as a winner, already in obtainment of your goals. How does this feel? Connect with this daily and often. See yourself in possession of you goals. This will make you feel so good and motivate you to take continued action.
- Find and Utilize Support. It’s important for you to build connections with like-minded people who get where you are in your goal setting, and can offer you helpful direction and guidance. This could mean making new friendships, joining a local group for businesswomen, or even hiring a private coach who can offer you important and effective tools you may be overlooking.
5 Irresistible Reasons to STOP Diminishing Yourself
February 22, 2011 by Karen Fagan · Leave A Comment
Over the last week I have coached several women who continuously diminish themselves. They all have three big things in common:
- They are fully aware they are doing it.
- They are painfully unhappy.
- They are desperately afraid that if they keep diminishing themselves, they will miss amazing opportunities.
In order to help these women and others like them understand how to stop the pain and start fully experiencing their lives, I created 5 Irresistible Reasons to STOP Diminishing Yourself.
1. It’s hard to live BIG when you’re diminishing yourself.
Living BIG is about openness and the expansion of your soul’s desires. When you diminish yourself you constrict, get really small, and most often find yourself in a place of isolation. Simply said, when you diminish, you hide. How are you hiding from yourself and avoiding your fullest potential.
You were born to live on purpose! Say YES to your heart’s desires.
2. When we diminish ourselves we create CHAOS.
Diminishing yourself is a complete distraction from what you really want and it stops you from taking productive action. That’s CHAOS. When we diminish ourselves, we are in a state of constant worry about what others are thinking, and a state of panic about trying to be perfect. We judge others and ourselves.
Creating chaos instantly disempowers us from living authentically and taking authentic action.
3. Diminishing yourself distorts your perspective.
When you are in a diminished state of being you disconnect from your inner guidance and your perspective drastically changes. When you go to that small place, your view is distorted. You begin to think that people are lying when they give you positive feedback like saying that you’re a great writer, pointing out how nice you look or saying that they’d like to collaborate with you. Diminishing yourself makes you think that when others compliment you, there is something is wrong with them.
Diminishing yourself creates a perspective that only sees and hears all that you don’t want, making you unable to receive.
4. Refusing your greatness is a big energy drainer.
When we feel “less than” and refuse our greatness, our emotional energy becomes drained. Our energy levels become depleted from being constricted, living in chaos, constantly worrying about what others think, and judging ourselves.
This energy drain cuts off your creative life force.
5. Diminishing yourself makes you painfully unhappy.
Not once have I ever met a woman who is happy about diminishing herself. It is very much the opposite. A woman who diminishes herself is afraid to stay in a small place because she fears she will miss amazing opportunities for love, travel, career and personal growth.
When we deny who we really are, we suffer.
ASSIGNMENT:
This Week’s Exercise:
Move Beyond Diminished
- Identify how you diminish and dismiss yourself. List the ways that you do this.
- Make a list of what you get out of diminished living.
- What would your life be like if you empowered yourself and stepped into the biggest version of you?
- How would you feel?
- Who would support you?
- Why wouldn’t you want to live like this?
Start today to expand and embrace your best self from the most loving place. Give yourself compliments and accept positive praise from the people who see your greatness, even when you struggle to see it yourself. Make a sacred contract with yourself to allow your beautiful inner light shine no matter what!
Why Are You Settling?
May 27, 2010 by Karen Fagan · 1 Comment
I used to settle a lot. There were years when I’d accept so much less than I wanted because I just thought that’s the way life was. At other times, I didn’t even know exactly what it was I wanted; I just knew that whatever it was, it was missing. I knew I had a longing, I just didn’t know I had a choice.
I wasn’t empowered to make the decisions that would move me toward living my authentic life. I disconnected myself from my inner truth because what I found there scared me. At the time, it seemed easier to hide out in the relationship I was unsatisfied with and try to convince myself that my career was just fine. And, I suffered some major consequences. When you settle for less than you want and deserve, you are acting from a place of fear. What I learned from my experience is that in all things, we must act from a place of love.
When you choose to be driven by love, you will begin to believe that life can be exactly how you want it to be. When you choose to become conscious of your truth, you will realize that the power of choice is available to you.
Ask yourself, “Why are you settling?”
We influence our life’s experience through the choices we make. And I’m talking, all of the choices we make. If you think about it, there is no such thing as a small choice. Every decision we make — choosing to eat or not eat, to say or not say, to listen to your inner voice or not listen — has a consequence. Whether it’s short or long term, with good or less than desirable results, each choice has an effect. Our power and influence over our lives comes from our ability to make choices. When we settle, we lose sight of that power – knowing somewhere in our heart that our inner truth has been compromised.
Examples of settling for less:
- I guess this is as good as it gets.
- It doesn’t really matter to me if I get married or have children.
- As long as I have 6-8 clients, that’s better than nothing.
- I can do this by myself. I don’t need any support.
- It’s better to have these friends than no friends.
- I can live on $2000 a month, so that’ll be good enough.
- At least I have a job, even if it’s one I hate.
- I’ll never lose these last 20 pounds, so why even try?
Ignoring your inner truth inevitably leads to self-sabotaging behavior – overeating, procrastination, a lack of personal responsibility – and ultimately, pain. Feelings of anger, boredom, frustration, loneliness and hopelessness take over and lead to chaos in our lives. The only reason we deny ourselves our inner truth is because our conscious self is too frightened to take bold steps, so we make less than authentic choices.
Take a look at where you are settling for less. Is it in your career, your relationship, your well-being? Make a list of those areas and describe how you’re settling.
Examples:
- I don’t like the way my hair stylist does my hair, but I keep going back.
- I buy and eat cheap, un-nutritious food.
- I continue to work with clients who submit late payments.
Now, make a list of the consequences you have endured as the result of settling.
Examples:
- I never feel cute and I resent paying for a haircut I don’t like.
- My food isn’t providing the nutrients that my body needs for proper health.
- I can’t pay my bills on time.
Ask yourself again. Why are you settling? Usually, we settle out of fear. We fear that we won’t have enough, that we’re taking too big of a risk, or we’re better off staying put rather than taking a chance. Take a good look at the underlying fear that leads to you settling for less. Is that fear rational? Why are you allowing it to hold you back?
Honor Your Power of Choice
Every choice you make has the power to shift your life direction. Intuitively you know that you desire more. Choose to end the chaos created by settling for less and begin to get clear about what you authentically want in your life. Change can be very uncomfortable; it’s time to get comfortable with it. Now, if you’re ready to commit to continuous growth and expansion, pay attention to what I just told you. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Never once have I heard any woman regret making the decision to no longer settle in her life. In fact, the reaction is always the opposite. “Look at the new abundant path I’m on! I can’t believe I settled for so long!” Getting comfortable being uncomfortable will lead you to take action and create the life you want and deserve. Empower your inner truth and honor your power of choice.
Stop settling for less.
Is Your Self Image Hurting You?
May 20, 2010 by Karen Fagan · 3 Comments
Do you find that you’ve become caught up in a cyclical pattern of “unhealthy”? I don’t mean that in a biological or medical way. I’m talking about repeatedly finding yourself in bad relationships, personal chaos, financial woes, or business fiascoes. If you keep getting the same cruddy results in your life, I encourage you to check in with your self-image. I’d bet that it’s not very positive, and I am here to tell you that it is high time you assess and adjust your ego to create a bodaciously loving view of yourself. It’s truly the only way you are going to make a change for the better.
Your inner and outer self-image is your creation and it directly relates to your present experiences in life. How would you describe the way in which you see yourself? Are you confident and secure in your abilities or do you question yourself and have a belief that you’re somehow “less-than”? Whether you know it or not, your true self-image is broadcast to the Universe and the people around you, which determines the reactions and results you get in life. After all, who knows you better than you? If you don’t believe in you, why should anyone else? Let’s check it out. Take the following Healthy Self-Image quiz and see what you truly believe about yourself. And, if you have a friend who could use a self-image boost of her own, please share it with her.
Answer the following questions:
- How do you view your appearance? (Beautiful, Okay, Fat, Ugly)
- What kind of personality do you have? (Rigid, Open, Fun-loving)
- How do you think others see you? (Crazy, Confident, In control)
- How do you see yourself? (Authentic, Hiding, Powerful)
- Do you believe that others like you? (Absolutely, Kind of, Not really)
- Do you like you? (Absolutely, Kind of, Not really)
If your answers are anything but confident and positive, you could benefit from a self perception make over. Here are three tips on how to take your confidence and self-assurance to a whole new level.
1. Take Charge of Your Mind
If you see yourself as unqualified, insignificant, unattractive, inferior, or inadequate, you are most likely co-creating a reality that doesn’t feel good and is not bringing you the results you want. The solution? Simple: Take charge of your mind. Stop letting your mind dictate negative thoughts and then watching yourself perform (or not) according to them. Your life is too important for you to let yourself be a spectator – or worse – a victim to your negative thinking.
The best way to determine how you feel about yourself is to stay connected to your emotional state on a daily basis. If your mind and thoughts are aligned, you will feel harmony about yourself. If you are not feeling harmonious, that is a true indication that your thoughts are out of alignment. Take ownership of your thoughts and create a different feeling state. Do it right now.
2. Decide to Accept Yourself
There is only one “YOU” in the Universe. That is the person who YOU are responsible for. Only you have the power to accept or reject yourself. Self-rejection is energy depleting and counterproductive. Bring awareness to the parts of yourself that you reject and fully embrace those areas. Fill up on self-love – this is your personal work. The only way to move forward to meeting your core desires is to accept who you are, as you are today, in this very moment. Understanding you and your authentic goals, deciding where you’re going – and how you’re going to get there – is up to YOU.
Take steps right now to accept yourself exactly as you are in this present moment.
- Determine a higher value for yourself.
- Decide exactly what you want from a place of higher self-image and confidence.
- Take action each day that improves your perception of yourself.
3. Take Action to Build Your Confidence
Filling your thoughts with negative self-talk or keeping your authentic self hidden are exactly the things that keep your confidence levels low and contribute to a poor self-image. As they say, “Can’t never could.” When you find yourself thinking, “I can’t,” or “I don’t know how,” take a moment to re-adjust those thoughts to, “I can learn,” and, “I am capable.”
Make peace with the mistakes in your past. Embrace them for what they were – valuable learning experiences that have taught you priceless lessons that will lead you to your greatest success. Free your mind to move beyond the past and take the steps and actions necessary to achieve your goals. When you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself which choice will build your confidence and boost your self-image. Then choose that one.
Only you have the power to believe and present the most positive, and self-assured YOU. Decide today to no longer allow negative thoughts to control your emotional wellbeing. Re-focus your thinking to positive, self-assured, confident thoughts and if you have to, fake it until you make it. The more effort you put into seeing the good and wonderful things about yourself, the easier it is. And the more those brilliant, fantastic parts of you will shine out to the Universe and the world.
